HOW TO AVOID A DIRTY SOCK SOUP

My shipboard sausage creations

There are a few rules I like to follow when I am on a ship:

1. Stay on the Captain’s good side

2. Stay on the Cooks good side

3. Only pee off the lee side (for you land lubbers, dont piss into the wind)

Violating the first one can land you in an unemployment line. Number two can win you a broad range of consequences from eating a soup that was marinated with last weeks socks to a classic case of food poisoning. The prize for number three is fairly obvious.

So when I ended up in bad favor with the cook on my last ship I went a week and a half on canned tuna, bubble gum, sandwich meat, Ramin soup and anything out of a can. How did I did I end up in bad favor with the cook you ask? I nicely asked him to change a few things that I felt were surefire ways to get people sick. That didn’t go so well and our “conversation” led me to believe that I could expect special attention to my meals.

My Workshop for the night…Barf from “You Can’t Do That On Television” would have been proud.

A man can only eat so much stuff from a can, so one late night I decided to sneak into the pantry and make something up with what we had onboard and eat off that for a few days and this is what I came up with:

I know we can use these!!

Olives, good on anything…except cheesecake

AWWWW SOOOKIE SOOOKIE NOW

Really??? So your not even gonna wrap the bacon up??? And sit the lettuce on top of the sausage????Really, this is what I am talking about….OK moving on.

MAUHHHHHH HUUUHHHH!!!!!!